Hello again, blog!
I feel a little apprehensive about writing again. Especially when we have been asked to have a second look at our previous years work. I find it all a little bit.. embarrassing?
About mid way through last year oodles of personal things happened at once, to be honest it went a little topsy turvey. Looking back on it now, I am disappointed with how I dealt with it – my motivation simply evaporated. I just kept fabricating excuses to make myself feel better which made it incredibly hard to find my feet again. Now I can recognise the dip in work flow as I flick through last years pieces – it all started off well, and finished on a high too. Half way through is all just substandard. When Mike mentioned the second year slump I had my doubts, all of the symptoms sounded very familiar! Surely I won’t have to battle through it all again?!
I think I found the root of my first year slump... I kept all of my worries to myself and ended up feeling isolated and distracted. I have experienced what a true lack of motivation feels like, but I also know how to bring myself back round again. I feel so much stronger for it! Even though that phase created a large dent in the quality and quantity of work I produced, I’m still here and that gives me truck loads of confidence in my ability at defeating my own demons.
So yeah. The second year is looking good. I feel motivated and already recognise a huge improvement in my work ethics. So now I have over analysed the past, I feel prepared to peep into the future!
I have some idea of what my dream job is. I would love to work as a concept, environment or texture artist for a studio like Team ICO, Naughty Dog or Lionhead. I love the feel of the games these have created – the Uncharted series have some of the most beautiful environments I have ever experienced!
Though I know (from the contextual studies pep talks and online research) that this dream is pretty much unobtainable it makes sense to have something to aim for…
So to get where I want to be, I am going to have to seriously up my game this year. I decided to put things in perspective and found this brought me straight back down to Earth. After the brief panic attack, I made a mini list of what I believe are my strengths and weaknesses:
Fairly good social skills, get on well with a range of people.
I’m confident I will work well in a team (the group projects will be a great indicator!)
Good problem solver.
I have a fair grip on drawing in both traditional and digital art.
Keen learner and a hard worker.
This list boosted my confidence a little. I had to get some help coming up with positive things to put down (as childish as it sounds my mum gave me a hand) but looking at the list, I agree with them all. I recognise I have the potential to be a good manager at some stage in my career, I think I would find organising other people and planning projects a very rewarding job.
Low in confidence and have little faith in my own work.
Drawing is not up to the standards of the industry. Yet.
Nowhere near good enough at 3D modelling to be employable in the industry. Yet.
The 3D and 2D work simply comes with practise. I just need to do more! I need to squeeze in as much drawing and modelling in as I physically can without running myself into the ground. I need to speed up both, and concentrate on quantity rather than quality. The quality will come with time. I also need to stop over criticising my own work, and just ENJOY it. I’m doing something I love, this should and could be EASY!
As for the distractions, I have finally got my own office to work from which helps an awful lot. Both of my flatmates are in their third year, so hopefully they will be working just as hard as me (for once?!)
Yay! I’m going to get straight back to work…