Tuesday, 6 April 2010


Recently, I’ve been a-thinkin’…

I treated my first term very seriously. Everything that was asked of me I took on. My work was in on time, blogs up to date, and I had a high attendance. I had a brilliant balance of work and play, managed to make friends and kept in touch with my family too. I felt like university, and this course, was the best choice I have ever made.

The term just been however, went frightfully wrong. I slipped in to a massive bout of depression, and shrugged off everyone who tried to consol me. I had a rough time at home, fell out with my flatmates and my uni life was put on hold whilst I spent masses of time at home, trying to fix things that were out of my grasp. My weekends no longer became relaxing, as I rushed down the motorway trying to ease the guilt I suddenly felt about not being available. I took on a lot of pressure that was not my responsibility and felt all the worse for it.

I lost my creative flare. I think I lost myself for a while.

As the term drew to a close, I felt sick of all aspects of my life. I could see nothing bright for the future and felt like a useless ball of anxiety. After a lecture, I found myself alone with time to kill. I went to town, and sat in a coffee shop with a hot chocolate for an hour, just thinking. I couldn’t believe I was letting something I could not change ruin my future. So what if the world is giving me hell right now, I can show strength just by getting on with it. I can’t bear people who moan about something in their life, but are unwilling to change anything. So it was there, alone, that I decided to fuck the world, and live for myself. I walked home literally beaming.

Since that day I have felt a new lease of energy. It’s like I reached my limit break and am now releasing all of my pent up emotions through my work.

It feels kind of… fantastic.



  1. Intersting post Kerris, I'm glad to hear it's all looking up again! We all know how awesome you are, both at art and as a person. Sometimes it all just gets a bit too much. Here's to a fresh start as a second year!

  2. Damn straight! :D

    I really feel like I can relate... here's to a fresh start as the awesome you! haha

  3. Awh, thanks guys :)

    I'm kind of thankful for the periods of doubt, because in the end I feel so fantastic in the moments of clarity. It's all relative - if everything was happy and shiny, life would seem so dull...

    Sometimes I really over analyse things...

    Totally taking on the world at the moment tho, feels pretty darn great :D