Recently, I’ve been a-thinkin’…
I treated my first term very seriously. Everything that was asked of me I took on. My work was in on time, blogs up to date, and I had a high attendance. I had a brilliant balance of work and play, managed to make friends and kept in touch with my family too. I felt like university, and this course, was the best choice I have ever made.
The term just been however, went frightfully wrong. I slipped in to a massive bout of depression, and shrugged off everyone who tried to consol me. I had a rough time at home, fell out with my flatmates and my uni life was put on hold whilst I spent masses of time at home, trying to fix things that were out of my grasp. My weekends no longer became relaxing, as I rushed down the motorway trying to ease the guilt I suddenly felt about not being available. I took on a lot of pressure that was not my responsibility and felt all the worse for it.
I lost my creative flare. I think I lost myself for a while.
As the term drew to a close, I felt sick of all aspects of my life. I could see nothing bright for the future and felt like a useless ball of anxiety. After a lecture, I found myself alone with time to kill. I went to town, and sat in a coffee shop with a hot chocolate for an hour, just thinking. I couldn’t believe I was letting something I could not change ruin my future. So what if the world is giving me hell right now, I can show strength just by getting on with it. I can’t bear people who moan about something in their life, but are unwilling to change anything. So it was there, alone, that I decided to fuck the world, and live for myself. I walked home literally beaming.
Since that day I have felt a new lease of energy. It’s like I reached my limit break and am now releasing all of my pent up emotions through my work.
It feels kind of… fantastic.