Tuesday 6 April 2010

Success

Recently, I’ve been a-thinkin’…

I treated my first term very seriously. Everything that was asked of me I took on. My work was in on time, blogs up to date, and I had a high attendance. I had a brilliant balance of work and play, managed to make friends and kept in touch with my family too. I felt like university, and this course, was the best choice I have ever made.

The term just been however, went frightfully wrong. I slipped in to a massive bout of depression, and shrugged off everyone who tried to consol me. I had a rough time at home, fell out with my flatmates and my uni life was put on hold whilst I spent masses of time at home, trying to fix things that were out of my grasp. My weekends no longer became relaxing, as I rushed down the motorway trying to ease the guilt I suddenly felt about not being available. I took on a lot of pressure that was not my responsibility and felt all the worse for it.

I lost my creative flare. I think I lost myself for a while.

As the term drew to a close, I felt sick of all aspects of my life. I could see nothing bright for the future and felt like a useless ball of anxiety. After a lecture, I found myself alone with time to kill. I went to town, and sat in a coffee shop with a hot chocolate for an hour, just thinking. I couldn’t believe I was letting something I could not change ruin my future. So what if the world is giving me hell right now, I can show strength just by getting on with it. I can’t bear people who moan about something in their life, but are unwilling to change anything. So it was there, alone, that I decided to fuck the world, and live for myself. I walked home literally beaming.

Since that day I have felt a new lease of energy. It’s like I reached my limit break and am now releasing all of my pent up emotions through my work.

It feels kind of… fantastic.

9613_540

3 comments:

  1. Intersting post Kerris, I'm glad to hear it's all looking up again! We all know how awesome you are, both at art and as a person. Sometimes it all just gets a bit too much. Here's to a fresh start as a second year!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Damn straight! :D

    I really feel like I can relate... here's to a fresh start as the awesome you! haha

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awh, thanks guys :)

    I'm kind of thankful for the periods of doubt, because in the end I feel so fantastic in the moments of clarity. It's all relative - if everything was happy and shiny, life would seem so dull...

    Sometimes I really over analyse things...

    Totally taking on the world at the moment tho, feels pretty darn great :D

    ReplyDelete